Occasionally, I get a call for help from a reader whose situation has all the markings of a class action suit, that is, one person acting on behalf of many (maybe you). Maureen Rabazinski’s email was such a case. Two weeks ago, the 62-year-old nurse practitioner from Winter Park, Fla., wrote for advice.
Dear Marni,
“HELP!” I want my house back! I want a house that reflects me and my husband while still occasionally welcoming our family and friends — not a home that has a revolving door.
Eight years ago, when our two sons flew the nest, my husband and I downsized to a single-story, four-bedroom, two-bath home on a beautiful pond. The 2,200-square-foot home was our private oasis. Soon after, our younger son came home from college and lived in the guestroom for over a year as he figured out his next life steps. We reclaimed the space when he moved to Denver for a job and a girlfriend. Soon after his older brother moved in with his wife and their three children while they waited for a new home they’d bought to be ready for them. For nearly two months, they took over the guest room plus another bedroom for their two daughters, which we outfitted with twin beds. This room also became a toy-filled playroom. Somehow the baby’s crib landed in my home office. After they moved out, the twin beds, the crib and many toys stayed. When the Denver job and girlfriend didn’t work out, our younger son boomeranged back, this time for 18 months. I am happy to say, he moved out this weekend, which prompted this email. I now want to make our home just ours again and eliminate the feeling of overwhelming chaos.
Specifically, our master bedroom has an elliptical machine in the corner. It not only makes us feel guilty for not using it, but it also ruins the restful relaxing vibe I want the room to have. The so-called guestroom is recovering from being overtaken by our son. Do I convert it into a workout room to rid my master of the elliptical? But where would guests sleep? The kids’ room looks like Toys R Us at Christmas. The fourth bedroom is my office. I’m a nurse practitioner and run a telehealth practice from my home. I wonder what my patients would think if they could see a baby crib beyond the carefully angled monitor.
Though I’m grateful I had the space to accommodate my family's housing needs over the years, my husband and I want our private oasis back. We still want to welcome family, friends and grandkids, but only for short stays. So how do I reconfigure my house?
Warm Regards,
Maureen Rabazinski
Dear Maureen,
I have two words of advice: boundaries and purpose. Let’s start with boundaries. You need some. How lovely that you have created the kind of family and home that can be a port in the storm for your grown children. However, even those we love dearly can overstay. You and your husband made a conscious decision to downsize when you became empty nesters. Lock the revolving door, stick to the three-day rule for visits, and become familiar with the Airbnbs in your area.
As for purpose, each room should have one — not more. Eliminate the bleed over and make sure each room has a clearly defined purpose. You can do this.
Marni
Over the next few days, Maureen and I talked and exchanged emails. These were my recommendations followed by her feedback:
· The Master. You say you want this room to be relaxing and serene, so ditch the elliptical. If you used it, that would be different. I don’t like exercise equipment in the master. Don’t move it to the guest room. One piece of not-used exercise equipment does not make a home gym. Sell it and use the money for a gym membership you will use.
I loved your advice on the elliptical. It was like when a counselor tells you something you know but need to hear. I’m putting it on Facebook Marketplace today and putting the money toward a gym membership. The guilt is lifting already.
· Your Office. This should be reserved for only your work and every part of it should make you look and feel like the professional you are. The crib goes.
Agreed. When I started working from home during Covid, I didn’t know I would be launching a homebased telehealth business. Once the crib is gone, I want to turn what was a makeshift space into a pretty office that reflects me.
· Grandkids’ Room. The twin beds stay, along with the crib and — after a major toy purge — a well-organized toy-storage system, perhaps one that slides under the beds.
I always want to have a grandkids’ room, but it doesn’t have to take over the house. I plan to purge half the toys. Maybe I can put a box of toys in the guestroom closet.
· Guestroom — Uhh, nope. That’s how creep starts. Boundaries and purpose, remember? Reserve the guestroom for brief visits from adult children and guests. It is not a way station.
Got it. I’m taking back the guestroom and making it welcoming again. I’m also taking to heart your advice to not let rooms bleed into others. I’m always trying to figure out how to make a room do two or three things, when I really need dedicated spaces.
Thank you for your clarity in addressing my confusion about my multifunctional home. I am looking forward to closing the revolving door and to opening a door that reflects the lifestyle we want for this stage in our lives.
Godspeed, Maureen. You’ve earned it.
Join me in a couple weeks when Maureen puts advice into action and discovers the difference that having an orderly home makes in the rest of her life.
CAPTION: Baby boundaries — Maureen Rabazinski in her home office, which doubles as her grandson’s guest room, but not for long. Rabazinski has pledged to “take back” and reorganize her home so each room has one purpose. Photo by Rich Rabazinski